My 16-Year-Old Self Responds To Advice I'd Give My 16-Year-Old Self If I Went Back in Time

[robotnik2004]

(For mgrasso and ivan23, and the meme going around.)

1. You're not the boss of me.

2. I don't care how much I'll regret it, I just want a girlfriend.

3. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exercise, posture, flossing, rest my eyes. I'll get right on that. No, I don't need to write it down, I'll remember.

4. I don't care how crazy she ends up, I just want a girlfriend.

5. OK. But historians make lots of money, right?

6. I don't care what she burns down, I just want a girlfriend.

7. Listen, what I want to hear about most is Star Wars. Is it really true there are going to be three prequels? And are they totally awesome? Like I even have to ask. I can't wait to see George Lucas work his magic again!

8. OK. But you- I mean me- I mean, we're a Republican, right?

9. Wait, that I will write down: go to the Hong Kong, in Boston, Massachusetts, on November 10, 1999... talk to the girl with short hair, funky glasses (did you just say "funky"?? who are you supposed to be, Jimmy JJ Walker?), and tight gray sweater... How tight are we talking here?

10. Well, thanks for all the advice. Do you think you could score me and my friends some beer?

Comments

[chris-goodwin.livejournal.com]

I have, since I was about 14, had a standing deal with myself that if I ever met my future self, and he told me to do something, I would do it without question.

[mysteriousrhino.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I remember thinking that if my future self showed up I would be happy to get the help.

[emilytheslayer.livejournal.com]

But what if it's not really you? What if it's someone pretending to be you, in order to screw the future you up? Like, you're supposed to kill Sarah Connor, and the future her finds out and sends someone back to pretend to be you and keep you from fulfilling your destiny?

[mysteriousrhino.livejournal.com]

Ooo. Good point. Maybe I had better make up a code word that only my future self and I will know.

[emilytheslayer.livejournal.com]

That's a very good idea. Safety first when messing with timelines, and all. I have a friend who says that the only safe thing to do if you see yourself walking down the street is kill it, because you know that's what the other you's thinking, and if it's not thinking that, it's not you and needs to die.

[emilytheslayer.livejournal.com]

Then again, this is the same friend who is making plans for the house that she and her husband will someday buy to be fully zombie-fortifiable.

[kniedzw.livejournal.com]

#6 is where I lost it.

[jeffwik.livejournal.com]

TWENTY-SIX-YEAR-OLD ME: Everything you think is a good idea, it's not.

SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD-ME: Seriously?

TWENTY-SIX-YEAR-OLD-ME: Yeah, look, just, whenever you think you have a good idea? Do the opposite.

SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD-ME: Like George on that one episode of Seinfeld.

TWENTY-SIX-YEAR-OLD-ME: That's aired?

SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD-ME: Yeah.

TWENTY-SIX-YEAR-OLD-ME: Whoa.

(beat)

SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD-ME: So.

TWENTY-SIX-YEAR-OLD-ME: Hey, wait. There is one thing that's a good idea. Go ahead and go to college. Like, Hendrix, I dunno. I went to Hendrix, it worked out okay. In state. Scholarship.

SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD-ME: Your advice is "go to college in state?" I was going to do that anyway. Is there anything specific I should do or not do?

TWENTY-SIX-YEAR-OLD-ME: Give me a second. I got another one. Sometime in late July or August of 2001, you'll have the opportunity to mow your grandmother's lawn. I want to you consider that a really important, high priority action item.

SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD-ME: I fucking hate mowing the lawn.

TWENTY-SIX-YEAR-OLD-ME: I don't care. What else, what else...

SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD-ME: When do I have sex?

TWENTY-SIX-YEAR-OLD-ME: First piece of advice, I said, is that if it seems like a good idea at first, it's probably not.

SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD-ME: I don't get it. Probably?

TWENTY-SIX-YEAR-OLD-ME: Okay. Short list of good choices I've made in the next ten years. Going to Hendrix. Moving to Boston. Joining a Nobilis game.

SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD-ME: You're a real go-getter, you know that?

TWENTY-SIX-YEAR-OLD-ME: Well, chances are Thirty-Six-Year-Old-Us is going to appear and explain why I'm wrong, so maybe it'll work out.

[head58.livejournal.com]

Damn you! I was all set to do a "advice I got from my 44 year old me" ("Spend less time on Livejournal. You'll have plenty of time to do that after they fire you for spending too much time on livejournal...", "You dropped out of Jere's game already? ugh, I came back 2 months too late! Maybe there's hope yet. Don't be an ass to Mike..." ) but you stole my bit!

[mysteriousrhino.livejournal.com]

So what's the deal with your grandmother's lawn? Did you discover an oil well or something?

[jeffwik.livejournal.com]

She wanted her lawn mowed because she was having chuch people over that weekend.
I got there IIRC late Saturday afternoon, thinking the church people were going to be coming over on Sunday. They had in fact already been by earlier in the day, and in fact someone else had mowed her lawn after they left but before I got there.
I felt very guilty about this. Then I moved to Boston. Then, my grandmother went into a sudden and steep decline, and died.

[crisper.livejournal.com]

Hahahahaha oh yeah.

[foogie.livejournal.com]

When I speak to my 16 year old me, he tells me to smoke less pot.

[foogie.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, also:

Hee hee hee

[krustukles.livejournal.com]

Odd. I just told my 16 year old self to start smoking pot immediately and not wait until a certain Mr. "Partyboy" Dixon introduces it to me in second year.

[mysteriousrhino.livejournal.com]

Brilliant.

[ivan23.livejournal.com]

::hangs head in shame::

::extends hand to shake::

You win.