Arizona: The Raising Arizona State

Originally published at Route 96. You can comment here or there.

“You never leave a man behind!”

You-Had-To-Be-There Moment #45

“Hey, do you smell kibble?”

El Canyon Grande

Originally published at Route 96. You can comment here or there.

“Did you know that 34 million American adults are obese? Putting together that excess blubber would fill the Grand Canyon two fifths of the way up.  That may not sound impressive, but keep in mind, it is a very big canyon.”
–Kent Brockman, “I’m OK, You’re Too Fat”

Fortified with another obscenely big truck stop breakfast, we made it to the south rim of the Grand Canyon around noon.

Wow, the Grand Canyon. It’s so… grand. And so… canyony. Judge for yourself, but I think that somehow a [2006 Edit: 150 dpi PDF of] a blotchy black and white photocopy of a lo-res .JPEG of a duplicate copy of a cheap color snapshot doesn’t quite do the Canyon justice. To tell the truth, the Canyon didn’t even look real to us when we were actually standing there. It was just so big and deep and gorgeous that I kept thinking I was looking at a matte painting from Star Wars.

(That’s pretty sorry, isn’t it? I travel thousands of miles to experience one of the All Time No Foolin’ Big League Natural Wonders of the World and all my stunted imagination can think to compare it to is a cheesy special effect from a movie I saw when I was six. How depressing. Besides, the matte paintings in Return of the Jedi were much more impressive.)

Two hours hiking down into it, and then hiking back up in shadeless 110/45 degree heat, made the Canyon pretty damn real, though. The path, steep and narrow, snakes back and forth down the canyon walls and of course we didn’t even get close to reaching the bottom. You could spend weeks there camping and hiking and not come close to seeing all of it. It’s much like Value Village that way.

On the way out, we shared a laugh at the expense of those canyons, no doubt impressive in their own right, which had the misfortune to end up right next to El Canyon Grande. I mean, really. What are they going to say? “Visit Walnut Canyon, the cleaner canyon,” or “We’re Marble Canyon, we try harder!” Sure, yeah, thanks for coming out.

Road Trip Bingo

Originally published at Route 96. You can comment here or there.

Hey, you kids! Shut up back there! It’s time to play:

Here’s how it works: Stop kicking the back of your mother’s seat and sit quietly staring out the window. When you see any of the objects or signs listed on your BINGO card, mark that space with a coin, a counter, a half-chewed Chiclet, a booger, or possibly a small dried bean. Be sure to share those beans with your sister! When you have marked out a complet row, column, or diagonal, you win! (Do NOT yell “BINGO.” That word is a registered trademark of which you are not a holder, and besides, your father is trying to concentrate on traffic. Just congratulate yourself inwardly and sit still. Maybe you can name all of the presidents.) These are all pretty much things we saw on our trip (the twister was very small), so if you can’t complete your card, I have no sympathy for you.